


17.12.17

by IronNeo



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:05:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17571386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronNeo/pseuds/IronNeo
Summary: I don't know what this is. But it's very angsty.





	17.12.17

Sometimes I don't feel alive, sometimes I feel like I'm just not here.   
Sometimes I feel like I'm not in this body that i call my own. Like I'm a stranger to my own self.

Sometimes I cry, not because I'm sad, I don't know why I'm crying. I just do.

But sometimes I just want to feel something, anything. If it's pain or happyness, I don't care.

Although this scares me, I don't feel it. I don't feel the nice feeling that comes with happiness, I just feel guilt. Guilt drowning me and not letting go. Devouring and dragging me into the deep ground, that you call darkness. 

Maybe I should show emotions, just to let people see that I'm not an ignorant asshole that doesn't care, even though I'm starting to believe that I am. I know that I'm not, theoretically speaking. I'm not dumb. But somehow my thoughts won't let me believe in what I know.

Maybe I don't care, maybe I AM the ignorant asshole everyone believes me to be. Or maybe I'm just illogical. Maybe I don't want to accept that I'm a horrible person.

I'm scared. I'm scared of showing emotions. Of letting people into my head, letting them see how weak I am. I can't be weak. I don't know why, I just can not. My whole life I didn't want to let people in, I can't just change that from one day to another. And I know that people aren't like that, that emotions are normal so why can't I?

I feel like I don't belong here, not in this body and not in this world. So I'm drowning myself in stories. In movies and books alike. Trying to avoid living. Trying to avoid dealing with the real world.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of text that i wrote a while ago. I found it on my laptop and thought it was worth posting.


End file.
